Light Fuse, Get Away.: The Big Gallery of Hilarious Fireworks Labels and Names

There are several pages I have run across that purport to have the funniest fireworks labels ever, yet somehow I felt their selection was lacking. I decided to create a gallery of the funniest labels I have seen in my long love affair with fireworks. Most of these are more modern labels.

The fireworks industry has changed a lot over the last 20 years. There was a time when fireworks labels mostly consisted of pastoral scenes in watercolor, featuring whimsical creatures, happy people, and beautiful flowers. Somewhere along the way, I guess to target their desired audience (teenage boys,) fireworks makers decided to create more violence-centric label art. Violence continues to be a theme, but with the prevalence of graphic design software came a new genre of label art featuring bad Photoshopping, vector images, and outrageously vivid colors printed on super-glossy paper.

I collected these images from various sources online. I've read about some of these on forums or have seen them on YouTube videos.

So, without further ado, I present to you the funniest fireworks labels I have seen (so far...)

From the Pharmaceuticals Department...

Sunflowers? What? Can I use this as a hookah? Man, I'm hungry.

Calling it "Crazy Exciting On Crack" may have created an issue with customs.

Woah, man... I'm, like, totally digging on this fireworks vibration.

For your conflagration dysfunction.

From the Marital Bliss Department...

This one looks sort of Mad Magazine-inspired.

I sense a theme...

Collect them all!

I think this $1399 "Grounds for Divorce" assortment from Phantom got its' name from actual experience.

From the Hey, Hey, We're the Monkeys! Department...

Wins the vote for "Cutest Fireworks Label Ever" when they have a poll for "Cutest Fireworks Label Ever."

Monkey see... monkey drive?

Those darned monkeys are at it again...

From the Emotional Issues Department...

AHH!!!

Well, it's 36 shots. Maybe it quits partway through.

Nothing like lighting a screaming, flying paper cylinder that lands, on fire, in your neighbor's shrubbery.

"Clear a path!!!"

This is what you get in return when you light the Neighbor Hater.

From the Urban Cultural Studies Department...

Dy-No-Miiiiiiite!

Not even sure what to say about this one...

It appears that in urban settings there is a desperate need for large rocks used to prevent soil erosion in culverts. No, I don't understand it, either.

Does it come with a complimentary shag trench coat and cane?

It's about time, China. So glad to see the old dogs-playing-games theme is making a comeback! (Note: This may not be sarcasm.)

I prefer the other label.

From the Musical Inspiration Department...

Best when... Shot in the Dark.

From the Blondes Have More Fun Department...

And what does this even have to do with the firework?

I hope the joke isn't the firework's performance.

From the Sports and Recreation Department...

Worst idea ever.

From the Wildlife Preservation Department...

In the yard at the poultry penitentiary.

From the Technology Division...

My guess is whistling comets that explode...

Why... WHY?!?!?

"Like."

How are they getting away with this?

From the Nature Lovers Department...

It just takes what it wants!

Rawr.

From the Politics and Religion Department...

So you're saying if the army comes in and blows crap up, it's not covered under my warranty?!

WHAT?!?!?

Seems like someone was trying to make a political statement... have to admit the baby is pretty funny.

Kind of speaks for itself.

It will fool you with all kinds of promises on the label, but then it self-destructs 3/4ths of the way through.

Lots of flash and noise... but that's about it!

I dunno... looks kind of familiar.

Hahaha... good one.

Don't turn your back on it.

From the Reptile Gastroenterology Department...

"Get away" being the operative advice.

From the Defecating Doggies Department...

FINALLY a creative use for snake pellets! Everything about this firework is hilarious. Best novelty item I've heard of in years. Not in good taste at all, but c'mon, Poopy Puppy!